This is a Story of a Girl- Who Cried a River and Drowned the Whole World...

Hello all!!!

I had an absolutely amazing day and I just wanted to share it with EVERYONE.

It began with waking up at 5:00 in the morning and driving Anna to the airport (okay... that wasn't so good....) BUT I had such a great time seeing her and I was so blessed to spend the weekend with her. She brightens my life. I love that girl.

So, I returned home at 7:00- took a small nap and woke up at 9:00 so I could go to my singles ward.

Let's be honest- I've been avoiding going to singles wards for quite some time because they remind me of a meat market. Ever heard of the "ward menu"? Yeah. I wasn't about to dive into that shark tank. BUT I figured that I needed a change in my life and that I should give this singles ward idea another try.

So- I woke up "extra" early (because my family ward is at 1:00, everything else is "early") and drove to BYU- to a building and room number that I had already looked up- and guess what? No one was there.

Let's be honest, I was upset. Not only was I not able to go to church at the singles ward, but I was also incredibly tired, and had said goodbye to one of my best friends a few hours earlier-which typically leads to overreacting on an emotional level at the smallest things.

So, I huffed and puffed and walked back out to the parking lot (wearing high heels which I instantly regretted), and drove back home. I then immediately fell asleep and woke up at 12:50- just in time to go to my family ward.

Don't get me wrong- I adore my family ward. I think that it's superb. I love the people in it and I love that it's at 1:00 in the afternoon. But, today I just wasn't feeling it. Sometime during sacrament meeting I came to the conclusion that I was supposed to be in that meeting.

I learned SO many things during that sacrament meeting and was so blessed by the testimonies of those in my ward. I knew that at some point during the day I was going to bear my testimony. But it wasn't going to be in sacrament meeting- let's be honest, I'm a chicken. I'll work up to sacrament meeting someday....

So, relief society came and I KNEW that I had to bear my testimony about the things that I have come to know and love these past few weeks- which I owe a lot to the influence of my institute class. So, I stood when testimonies were asked for- I seriously thought I was going to fall over my knees were shaking so bad.

I said this (more or less....):

I have spent my life being incredibly critical of myself. This has been a lifelong struggle that I have been trying to get over. I know that especially for women of the church, this can be especially difficult- we always think that we aren't good enough and that we will never be perfect. We think all of these terrible thoughts about ourselves- and I am here to tell you that THESE THOUGHTS ARE NOT FROM GOD. These thoughts are from Satan. He knows that by doing this he can push us down and make us feel like we're nothing. Everyone is not perfect, we are carnal beings that will have struggles and weaknesses in this life- and God knows that. He knows that we are not perfect- that is why we have the atonement- so we can start over with a renewed heart and with the determination to be better. We should not be so critical of ourselves- we are GENUINELY GOOD PEOPLE who (most of us) are trying to do the right thing. Yes, we can be better, but we are not a disgrace. I know that the church is true and that God loves us and I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Nice testimony huh? Well, let me tell you something. By the third or fourth word, I start BAWLING. I blame this on a few things- 1) This was a subject that is very near and dear to my heart- that was revealed to me recently 2)I was SO tired 3)I was already emotionally drained that day.

I HATE crying in front of people (now that I think about it... I don't know who would enjoy that), so this experience was incredibly embarrassing for me. It wasn't just a few tears, it was most definitely the ugly cry, where you can't speak and when you do, your voice shakes and goes up and down octaves at random.

So anyway, back to the story- I had enough time to compose myself during the song and prayer so I could look presentable when the meeting ended. BUT that all shattered when I had NUMEROUS people coming up to me and telling me what an amazing person I am. I couldn't believe it! I was so touched by their encouraging words that I started bawling all over again! I really couldn't control myself- I was a mess! I just wanted someone else to get something from my testimony- I was never expecting that I would benefit from it so greatly.

I know that blessings come from sharing your testimony- to both those that you share it with, and yourself.

I do have a testimony of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, I know that Christ lives and loves us, and that the atonement is so that we can repent from our mistakes and start anew.

Thanks for reading! God bless!